A cop with a very poor memory

From my forthcoming memoirs: The Peculiar Mid-Life Crisis of Hengist McStone

My  grandmother always told me first impressions count . So here I record my first impressions of Malcolm Wheeler.

MW : I'm Detective Sergeant Malcolm Wheeler.

I was familiar with the name. A month earlier I had made a Data Protection Act enquiry to the County Council and a Detective Sergeant Malcolm Wheeler (Thames Valley Police) appeared inexplicably to take part in a meeting as far back as January, why this man was pursuing me was a mystery. I was answering bail, it was November 8th 2012 and Malcolm Wheeler had chosen to come out of the shadows.

Me : Could you tell me how long you've been involved in your investigation?

Malcolm Wheeler couldn't. I pressed the point and this is the answer I got.

MW : Since instigation

Me : And when was that?

MW : Can't remember.

Me : You don’t have a very good memory for a policeman do you.

 MW: I deal with a lot of cases.

Malcolm Wheeler got up and left the room to consult the file, he returned with his assistant Rebecca Spall, whom it should be noted is not a police officer she is a “Designated Investigator” basically a private detective employed by the Police.* I had asked to see her warrant moments before and she did not carry one. Malcolm Wheeler leafed through a thick file which he didn’t show me, he pointed to something on a page.

MW : “There 14th June . Referral from Social Services”

Me : You're lying

'This is a corrupt police operation and you are a corrupt policeman' I told him. Malcolm Wheeler didn't ask why I could be so sure and made no attempt to clear up any misunderstanding.  Malcolm Wheeler smirked and pointed out that because he is a sergeant I would have to complain to the Divisional Inspector who isn't in the building, he is in High Wycombe today. Or to his boss. Offering his bosses card with her mobile phone number on it he asked me which would I prefer. You ask too many questions Mr Wheeler, I replied.

Back in reception I made it clear I wanted to lodge the information before I left the building. Out of a door on the other side of the room came Thames Valley's finest. Now whatever your views on the police you have to have respect for a black woman police sergeant. She was very helpful and played it straight. I told her I had a long list of complaints, including one against the custody sergeant at 9 am on the day they arrested me so I could be complaining against her 'I'm not a custody sergeant' she said. I told her what Detective Sergeant Malcolm Wheeler was saying and faltered 'Im saying he's lying, now is that worth writing down ?' Immediately she said yes, It was a moment to leave all other complaints to one side and I followed her instruction to use the phone in reception and I would be given the URN number.

So it's been recorded by Thames Valley police that Detective Sergeant Malcolm Wheeler is lying. I wonder how they will respond.

* A quick google suggests “Designated Investigators” may be peculiar to Thames Valley Police. Be particularly alert to cops employing private detectives in Thames Valley.

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